


Mjölnir is not a waffle maker

by Fabulae



Series: Domestic Avengers [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Fluff, M/M, Plot, Shield Porn, Superfamily, Tony has a secret, What is Plot?, i ve put in a request with the doctor to bring me back in time to fix this issue, kitchen porn, nat clint and thor as british bake off fans, sadly still not a native speaker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:29:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6229252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabulae/pseuds/Fabulae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taco Night at Avengers Central: Steve making chili, Tony being Tony. Also, Peter would like for his parents to be a little less gross and stop making out on the kitchen top.<br/>It's in the same verse – and now a shining new series with a shining very original name -  as "Mercy is the mark of a great man" but can be read as a standalone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mjölnir is not a waffle maker

**Author's Note:**

> Domestic fluffy Avengers are my kink. There is no plot. Just sass and fluff. Plotless is the new black.

**Mjölnir is not a waffle maker**

 

“Steve, light of my days, why are you wearing your new shield magnet while making chili?” Tony was sliding on the spotless black granite of the communal kitchen; reaching the seating island he dropped unceremoniously on one of the spinning stools, spun two or three timesthen smiled at Steve and extended a hand.

“You are not having coffee now, Tony. You can taste the chili for me though”. 

“I am a genius, billionaire, philanthropist…”

“And you pay for everything, yes, we know that. Still, you are not having coffee now.”

“You wound me, Steve. I thought you liked me. I thought we had a thing”. 

“If by thing you mean a child together, then, yes, Tony: we have a thing”.

“What about liking me, Steve? We get married, we have a child, and now the spark is gone. We just talk about schools, nappies, prams..”.

“Tony, may I remember you our child is fifteen – ".

The sentence was interrupted by Steve dropping the ladle into the chili, extended a hand and called the shield to his arm. 

“What, wow, what happened there, Cap?”

He didn’t get a verbal answer, more like a visual one as Steve was busy throwing his glorified pizza dish in the direction of the Killer Twins that had just entered the kitchen carrying grocery bags. The shield cut the handles so that everything dropped on the floor.

“If you want to make croquembouche again, please go and use the replica of the British Bake Off kitchen Tony had installed for you. I am making dinner here tonight”.

He let go of the Shield, picked the ladle back up and stirred the chili.

Tony’s jaw has just dropped on the floor. 

“Hot. That was so hot I can’t even start to describe. I don’t know how I got you, but I’m gonna keep you”.

Tony stood up while Steve, in a consummated gesture, opened his arm that was not busy making salsa, to welcome Tony in his arms. “Was that sparky enough for you, Iron Man?” Steve dropped a kiss on Tony’s mouth. “I am all on fire, now, Captain. I am in flames, only you can smother me”. He laughed and took Steve’s shirt collar in his fists to drag him down and deepen the kiss. Steve let go of the ladle to encircle Tony’s waist with his other hand as well and bending him over the kitchen top.

“Ewwww”. Clint and Natasha, completely forgotten by the two men, were picking up the supplies from the floor. 

“Why is Dad bending Pops over the chili? Don’t we all know on Taco Night, Pops must always be kept far from Dad? Uh? Who’s gonna make tacos, now?” Peter entered the kitchen still half in his school uniform, half in pajama pants. 

“We got distracted”, said Natasha, gesturing at the mess on the floor. “Your Dad has now decided to use his Very Important Superhero Weapon against us”.

“Last time I let you and Clint make something here, we had to call Shield clean up squad to get rid of the caramelised sugar that was sticking on every surface” Steve let go of Tony’s lips for a second, smiled at Peter and scowled at the Killer Twins. 

“Hi, Peter, how was school?”

“Boring. During Physics I mentioned Bruce’s research in gamma nano particles and the teacher told me gamma nano particles don’t exist. And I wanted to say we have a picture of them on our fireplace, but it is a lost fight. Those peasants”. 

Peter, all lanky limbs and brown curly hair, mimicked Tony’s position at the kitchen island and extended a hand, Steve handed him a cup of coffee. 

“Traitor. You give coffee to your fifteen year old son, but not to me, your husband, and also genius –“

“Philanthropist billionaire that pays for everything” the rest of the team finished for him.

“I get no respect in this house. I am going to find a new team of superheroes to worship me and kiss the land I walk on.” Tony, still in Steve’s arms, was moving his hands in all directions as usual. Steve captured them in his, inhaled and exhaled, then gave Tony his best “Tony’s turn down the Tonyness one notch and help me” look. He had perfected it over the years and worked amazing well on both father and son. 

“You are a horrible person, Steve. Horrible”.

“And you are very changeable, Mr Stark”.

“And one would think after so many years you guys wouldn’t have that much flirting fuel still left in you, but, apparently, you do”. Peter, drinking his very much milk and not a lot of coffee drink snickered from behind the mug. “I am doomed to see my parents make moony noises at each every day of my life, couldn’t you be like Uncle Clint and Uncle Phil? They barely even look as they are together.”

“That’s because Coulson went as close as to waterboard Clint many, many years ago, to stop his cuddle attacks and nicknaming in public; as you may have guessed, Phil is not the biggest PDA fangirl out there”.

“That is a grand understatement; he is the king of NOPDA. When we got married he was that close not to kiss me, it took a well placed “nudge” from Nat to convince him” spat Clint. 

“Why can’t you be like that?” Peter addressed his parents, laughing. “You’ve been together like nine years now? And you’re stil gross”. 

“You ungrateful little brat” started Tony, his accusation muffled by Steve’s mouth on his. The man was a master multitasker, he had to give it to him, one hand stirred, one hand rubbed circles on his back and his mouth was keeping him from spitting silly threats at their very well spoiled progeny. 

“Squirt, you haven’t seen gross until you’ve been seen their wedding album. It was like Halloween had suddenly merged with Valentine’s day to create the spawn of hell of money making holidays”, Nat, the sneakiest of them, had used the little quibble to recuperate all her ingredients from the table and was already mixing some sort of batter on the far end of the kitchen. 

Pete’s interest suddenly went up to 400% and he shot up from his rolling chair. “IS THERE A WEDDING ALBUM?” He looked at his parents. Tony had a murderous look on his face. Steve blushed probably to his ankles.

“Natasha Romanov, you swore on your katanas you would never ever tell Peter about them”. Tony horrified tone was apparently mirth inducing to the rest of the team that knew too well of hislittle issue with circulating their wedding pictures – he may have gone a bit overboard with that, he must admit – there was no reason they would keep pestering him with this after so many years. 

“Dad” Pete launched a web on Tony’s mouth to keep it shut, if he had a way to his parent’s wedding album and possible blackmail material for the rest of his life, the way was Steve.

“I see where you want to go with this Pete, and I appreciate your strategic mind; I must have done something good with you”. Steve sounded pleased with himself, a bit smug; he looked at Tony that was furiously trying to get rid of the web, Steve ripped it with a flick of his index finger and smiled at his son. “Your other parent decided to use money and resources to keep that away from meand the rest of the world, but you do have his brains and a team of Avengers, plus Shield, I think it’s time we uncover it. God knows I could use one of those pics to blackmail your father into not trying to AI every object in the house, the other day my toothbrush told me I was not brushing my teeth enough. To me, Captain America, imagine that, eh Tony?”

“You all, traitors. Traitors. I married a traitor, I adopted a traitor. I am Tony Stark, I won’t be defeated by a a spider child and a bunch of heroes”. Tony, half laughing, half terrified of the prospect of being publicly shamed or blackmail for life because he decided to get married in a Very Extravagant Way. 

“Yes, but dinner first” Steve sat him down again on the spinning chair and regarded his crazy family with an affectionate frown. Tony was starting to get back to himself already, he was riling up to do a live commentary of the Firefly episode they put on on the kitchen holoscreen– by the end of it he would have produced the album – the man could resist the World Council but not that scrawny fifteen year old that he called son. 

A smile on his face, that careful look of adoration he reserved for Tony and Peter, should have fooled no one though. Natasha, at least, should have known better than try to sneak up on him with Clint and now Thor on tow. He picked Clint up by the collar of his shirt eliciting a fake cry of protest from Phil and encouragement from Tony that was always up for a bit of Hawkeye manhandling.

The three of them presented an interesting picture: Tasha was holding a bowl full of some sort of doughish looking stuff, Clint had ice cream and Thor was holding Mjölnir and the hammer was sparking and it looked hot as iron. 

“No, no and no. You are not making waffles on Thor’s hammer. Nope. Not under my watch”. 

Steve wondered when his life had become this crazy circle of madness that he had to use his shield and his serum enhanced surviving skills to fend off three superheroes, one of them not human, and save the kitchen from sure doom; he tried to remember the day this all became normal but could not figure it out to save his life. He sighed, then met Tony’s grin. This crazy group of people was a family, his family, and it was more than perfectly fine with it – he wouldn’t let them know just now though. Scared Avengers were the Best Avengers. 


End file.
